so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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