just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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