Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
