forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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