matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
