I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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