look no pants
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
