My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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