i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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