Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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