Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
