Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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