Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Two words: blizzard sex
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
