I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
