Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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