Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
