Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
