i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
