guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
