i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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