Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
