Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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