A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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