who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
