I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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