We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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