what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
