I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
