I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
is it fun? or sober?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
