That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
