Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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