I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
