You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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