An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
