The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
