On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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