Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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