Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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