My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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