and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
