Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
