After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
