The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this just has baby written all over it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
