We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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