I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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