is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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