i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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