when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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