Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
