why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
